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Natalie Tysdal

some reason you're not there. There you are. Okay. Alexandra, thank you for joining me. This is a topic I have not covered in my years really of doing health news and probably because it's that taboo, like don't talk about it, pretend it doesn't exist, but yet it's very real and I want people to take the stigma away and learn today. So tell us what you're doing.

Alexandra Harbushka 

Thank you, Natalie. All right. I'm excited to be here and it's always a shocking topic. It's a very like a stigmatizing topic and I never thought I was going to go out and talk about first of all, herpes, second of all, me getting herpes because I never thought I was going to get herpes nor did I think once I had it I was ever going to discuss it. So what happened is…

And how I got here is in 2011, I was diagnosed with genital herpes. And it was awful. I mean, it was isolating. It was stigmatizing. It was embarrassing. It was paralyzing emotionally. And I was in my late 20s. And I truly believed in that moment that everything that I had wanted, I wanted to be a wife you know, I wanted to be a mother, all these things. I truly believe that those were no longer possible for me. Or if they were, it was gonna be an alternative route or it was gonna be with somebody I didn't necessarily love but had to marry because now my options were limited. I believe that anything I had worked towards, you know, college degree, job, or any of those decisions that you make in life, I was like, well, I didn't really need to make the good decisions or the right decisions because look at where this, look at where I ended up.

I truly believe that everything was over. And so I stayed in this phase for two years. I call it my Eeyore phase from Winnie the Pooh. And he has the rain cloud over his head and he just hohums along and that's really where I was. And I was turning 30 and I thought, I can't stay here. I don't wanna go into my 30s like this. I don't wanna spend the rest of my life like this.

And I had to make a change. And so fast forward to 2017 when I went public about my diagnosis, being diagnosed with general herpes, and it was equally scary. But I did it because, first of all, there was nothing out there. Nobody was talking about it. And I knew that there were other people just like me. There were other...

Alexandra Harbushka 

people that either never thought they would get it or got it, people that have had it for decades that maybe have been held back in their life that didn't go out and pursue things because they were diagnosed with herpes. So I decided to open up about it.

Natalie Tysdal 

Let's take a step back. So I can only imagine how scary that was, especially with the limited, I mean, we had the internet, of course, but it's like, it's just not something people were talking about. Even today, it's still that stigma. So let's paint the bigger picture for me of the number of people diagnosed and what herpes is and the many different forms as well.

Alexandra Harbushka 

Right, and that's the thing is there's so, herpes is so common and we don't even know that much about it because it's not ever discussed via sexual health, it's not really discussed with a doctor and so we end up getting it and don't even know we have it or understand exactly how it's transmitted. So herpes is extremely common, there's many different herpes viruses, hundreds of herpes viruses.

The one that we're specifically talking about is HSV1 or HSV2. But another common herpes virus is the chickenpox. And that's something that after, you know, before a certain generation, before the chickenpox vaccine, we've all had it. So the herpes virus, again, it likes to make its way around. But talking specifically here, HSV1 is most commonly associated with oral herpes, and two out of three people have that. So again,

Alexandra Harbushka 

two out of three people. So if you just take yourself and take your family, whether you take your mom and dad and you, or mom, dad, you and a sibling, there's people statistically in your family that have it. Then we can get to HSV2, which is most commonly associated with genital herpes. It's not as common, but still very common. It's one out of six people. And so...

The thing that we think is, oh, well, the one up here, the oral one, well, that's the good kind, and the one down there, that's the bad kind. And people will say, oh, I have the good kind, I don't have that one, right? Right, and so HSV-1 and HSV-2 can go either location. So it can be transmitted skin-to-skin contact. So if you have oral herpes,

Alexandra Harbushka 

If you, whatever you do with your mouth, wherever you put your mouth, so you kiss somebody on the mouth, they can get it orally. If you do things with your mouth going down there, you can transmit it down there to your partner. So again, HSV-1 is much.

Natalie Tysdal 

So HSV1 can become HSV2.

Alexandra Harbushka 

It doesn't become HSV2. The viral DNA is different, but it can be transmitted to your genitals. And vice versa, HSV2, genital herpes, can go to oral herpes.

Natalie Tysdal 

So tell me about when you were diagnosed and for most people, how would they know? I mean, from what I've always heard is it can lay dormant for years too.

Alexandra Harbushka (05:56.938)

And that's the thing, right. Thank you for bringing that up. So that's the tricky thing about this virus is either people go, oh yeah, I had a cold sore once like in the sixth grade, but I haven't, I don't have it anymore, it must have gone away. Or people will find out they have herpes via a blood draw, a random, either their doctor requested it, they go to donate blood or something and they find out like herpes, I don't have that. I've never had an outbreak.

And the thing is, is you can pick this up, you can come in contact with it, and it can be dormant your entire life or it can be weeks, months, years, decades. I've talked to people that will say, my spouse is deceased. I've been celibate. I've only been with my spouse and my spouse is deceased. How did I get this? I'm like, well, you picked it up from your spouse, you know, somewhere along in your marriage and it's just now manifesting.

Natalie Tysdal 

Why does it manifest? At what point is it stress? Is it other things in your life?

Alexandra Harbushka 

Right. I mean, as far as we know, I'm not a doctor, but as far as I know, it's typically stress. I'll talk to… It's interesting. It happens a lot for dads either right after they have their first baby or they have their wife that's pregnant and they'll end up with genital herpes and they're like, I don't… Where did this come from? And they're usually so stressed in those first… Those infancy weeks of the new infant is usually when it…

Alexandra Harbushka 

It happens, I've seen that a couple of times for young men. But again, it can be stress. It can just be, hey, it just wants to pop out today. Same thing, stress. More women than men have genital herpes, and I don't really know why, but for some reason more women have genital herpes, I would guess it's because of just our anatomy.

Natalie Tysdal

And what about for women?

Alexandra Harbushka 

we're a little bit more exposed. And also we tend to wax, shave, whatever, and the hair there is a natural barrier. So it actually is a protectant and men don't tend to do that. So that may be why women have more genital herpes. I don't.

Natalie Tysdal 

So what happens if someone has an outbreak? Will they know? If they're stressed, is it painful? How will they know and what do they do? Call the doctor, get some, is there medication? What happens?

Alexandra Harbushka 

Right.

Alexandra Harbushka 

So in my particular case, so I would look, originally when I heard this whole thing like, oh, some people don't know they have herpes, and I was like, there is no way, there's no way people don't know they have herpes, because in my situation when I was diagnosed, I was in so much pain, I couldn't sit down, and it was like two weeks, three weeks, where I was in so much pain because the bolsters were, it was Armageddon. And so I would look at that and say, how do you not know that you have herpes?

But again, most people are asymptomatic or they can be so minor. So it can be like a little paper cut. And for us as women, we could say, oh, I nicked myself shaving. I just had this little paper cut. It's sensitive, but I cut myself. Or it can look like a bug bite. So it can show up in one blister. It can show up in a cluster of blisters or it can literally just be a little paper cut. So I would say for me personally, the blister is, the herpes virus lives in the nerves, so it's traveling along the nerves. So it is a different pain than anything else. It is a nerve pain. It is something you feel. So when you have an outbreak, you would know that you're having an outbreak. But what can happen is asymptomatic shedding. So that is when someone that has herpes, they don't get outbreaks, but the virus is going to shed. So just like any other living thing, we shed, right? So the virus wants to shed its viral DNA, and at that point it pops up to the surface of the skin, of the host, and there's no itch, there's no tingle, there's no sensation, there's no blister, and so that's when the majority of transmissions occur, is when there's no sign or symptom. And so you have a lot of people, again, that don't know they have it, and they accidentally transmit it to their partner, and their partner's like, where did this come from? The person's like, I don't know, I've never had an outbreak. So.

Alexandra Harbushka 

90% of people with genital herpes will never be diagnosed with it. So again, people just don't know they have it.

Natalie Tysdal 

Wow.

Yeah. Would they find out if they had just a typical blood draw, if they donate blood or something like that, the doctor might make them aware of it and that's got to be shocking.

Uh-huh, that happens often as well, exactly. Yeah, so it's not included on the STD panel or STI panel. So you can have people going in that are responsible sexually active adults, they're like, hey, test me, you know? And or you'll have couples that'll go in and say, hey, we're in a new relationship, we wanna get tested. And it's not included unless you specifically ask for it. So again, you have to ask for this blood test. But yes, it will show up, even if you've never had an outbreak, it will show up on a blood test because what they're looking for is the antibodies. And just to clarify, it does not live in your blood. So it's not a blood disease, it's a skin disease.

Natalie Tysdal 

Okay. So what do you do? So you think, okay, I'm in pain. This must be what's happening. You call your general doctor for women, you call your OBG and what do they do about it? What I'm hearing from you is you don't get rid of it. It doesn't just disappear.

Alexandra Harbushka 

No. Yeah, so there is good news and bad news with it. So it doesn't disappear. The virus is going to be with us forever, which is not awesome. But it does clear up on its own. So it will heal on its own. So it's not something like you have to go get an antibiotic. Like if you had strep throat, you'd have to go get an antibiotic, right? Like you would need that. Well, I'm assuming. I don't know if that actually clears up on your own as it goes on.

Natalie Tysdal

Usually, yeah, not really.

Alexandra Harbushka 

Right. But for herpes, it will go away typically in a week if you have an outbreak. And then the blisters will heal and it'll go dormant into your system again until it's activated, until you're stressed out or you have a cold or you're run down or there's particular foods that can sometimes trigger it in people. So there are some things that can trigger it. But what I would say you should do is if you have any thought like, oh my gosh, something is not right. I don't know what's going on. It's not right down there. I don't feel okay. Go get it checked out. Either there's a lot of telehealth companies right now that can diagnose you over Zoom or whatever. You can go to your local Minute Clinic, you know, at the Walgreens or CVS or whatever, or go to your primary, you know, go get that checked out. Don't overlook dermatologists. Don't overlook dentists. If you think you have something on your mouth, we forget about dentists. They can also diagnose you as well. So I would say find out, see what it is, and there are treatment options. You can go, you can just let it run its course. You'll be in pain. Just like chickenpox, right? Like it eventually just goes away. You let it run its course. Or you can take an antiviral if that's something you wish. It has to be prescribed from your doctor. And you can take an antiviral, and that does speed up the recovery as well. And it speeds it up if you get it into your system soon or you can also take that daily if you want to use it as a prophylactic.

Natalie Tysdal 

So if you have multiple outbreaks, that's a way to ward them off.

Alexandra Harbushka

Exactly. If you choose. There's also some other natural things like supplements you can use. I mentioned earlier that certain foods can trigger herpes outbreaks and this is both oral and genital. Things like peanuts for whatever reason can be a huge trigger to people and I've talked to… and I didn't realize this and I've talked to people that have oral herpes and they're like, man, I've been at a party not even realizing, like going through the check mix or the party mix and just, you know, eating and all of a sudden I'll get a peanut M&M in there and they're like…

boom, I leave the party immediately with a cold sore. Right, so there's certain foods, and it's basically what causes it, it's arginine, it's a protein, it's an essential amino acid, and so by negating that with lysine, which is also a protein, an essential amino acid, it can help block the replication of the herpes virus.

Natalie Tysdal 

Wow.

Natalie Tysdal 

Wow, I never heard that. So tell me what you do in your everyday life now, your community, you're open about this, you obviously are knowledgeable about it, you talk about it on podcasts, you have an online community, how are you helping people and what are the most common things people are dealing with or asking now?

Alexandra Harbushka 

So there's a lot of questions there I'm excited to go. So I'd say first and foremost, my daily life, I'm a wife and a mommy. So that's my passion right there. Yeah. Exactly, exactly. But as far as the Life with Herpes community, as far as what I've done is in 2017, I launched it. And I have, my thought was, my goal was,

Natalie Tysdal 

Yes. Okay.

Natalie Tysdal 

So all those things you told yourself in your 20s were not true and it's good for people to know that.

Alexandra Harbushka 

I didn't want it to be some sterile information. We can go to WebMD, we can go to other websites and it's just very statistic and this is what it is and this is what you have and you have a disease and here's what you do. I didn't want it to feel like a disease. I didn't want it, especially when it's something that roughly 80% of the population has. It's life. So what does life look like now that I'm diagnosed? Do I have to disclose to people? What is it? How do I help prevent outbreaks?

What are some things that I can do? And mostly I offer support counseling. I offer a community of people all over the world. We meet eight times a month on Zoom and I support them through their diagnosis. So step one through, you know, I have people that have had herpes for 30 years, but they're still in the group because they want to support other people in the group.

Natalie Tysdal 

That's great. And where is that? Is that on Facebook? Is it email?

Alexandra Harbushka 

No, it's… if you go to lifewithherpes.com, you can find it. I hosted on what's called Slack. I didn't want to use any social media site for the fact that my cousin's friend that I played in the sandbox with, now a friend requested me and now they all know I have herpes, right? Right. And so I keep it off social media and that way it can be… you can be discreet. If you want to have an alias name, great. If you want to use your name, which most people end up using their name and most people end

Natalie Tysdal

Yeah, yeah.

Alexandra Harbushka

the journey, but it truly is a heartwarming experience to be able to watch people basically go… they become a butterfly. They go into, you know, you get diagnosed and you go into your cocoon and watch them as their journey and they make different life choices and they change patterns in their life and they see that herpes really wasn't the issue. It was something else in their life and now they've broken free from that. They've peeled back the onion and they've transformed. They've changed their life.

Natalie Tysdal 

Is there anything that it will hold you back from?

Alexandra Harbushka 

I'm like trying to think of something. No, it's just an annoying blister. Yeah, are there times like, have I been on vacation with my husband and I've gotten an outbreak and I'm like, yeah. Like, you know, yeah, aside from that, or like, oh, my son's out of sleepover tonight, darn. But other than that, no, it doesn't hold you back in anything.

Natalie Tysdal 

Okay, so I can hold you back from that. Yeah.

Natalie Tysdal 

Yeah. And when you do take an antiviral, it diminishes it quickly. You get over it. It's not like going to be a month long thing. You have pain that you have to deal with. Yeah. I just so appreciate that you're willing to be so open about it. You're like comfortable talking about it. And so many people are just hiding, worried about this, not knowing the facts and not feeling like they have an ally.

Alexandra Harbushka

Correct.

Alexandra Harbushka

Well, here's the, thank you. But here's the thing is we all have, I call it a personal 911. We all have our own personal 911 experience. Mine was being diagnosed with herpes at 28 years old. And that was a wake-up call to me to change certain characteristics about who I was and going forward. And we all have that happen in our life.

And so it's a matter of looking at it as, this happened for me instead of to me. I sat there for many years and was like, why did this happen to me? Why wasn't it her? I wasn't sleeping around. I was in a monogamous relationship. How did this happen? Right, and so it's very easy to point, or you could say, why was I the one diagnosed with cancer? Or why did I get in that car accident? Or why did that drunk driver hit me? Or whatever, and opposed to, okay, I'm a person of faith, and I believe that

Alexandra Harbushka

God was telling me messages along the way and I wasn't listening. And this was my, Alexandra, you need to figure it out because this is not the path that you're here to be on and you have a different path. And so that's really what I talk about. And so for anybody, may not be herpes for you, but you could have something else and just use that opportunity to break through your own personal glass ceiling because there is something that you have in your life that's holding you back. And there's no reason for that. And there's, well, there is a reason and you're supposed to figure it out and break through it.

Natalie Tysdal 

Yeah. And it took you two years to have that kind of awakening that this is my 9-11 moment or God speaking to me and saying, I need you to change the course of your life. And this is what I'm actually preparing for you. Sometimes we're

Alexandra Harbushka 

Right. Like, you're in a relationship. This is not the right one. Why are you staying in it? You know, all those little things, those little messages you hear or whatever. Why are you still… Anyways, I realized it.

Natalie Tysdal 

We digress, but yet it's really important. Like I talk a lot about that here on the podcast. It's like, are you watching for those doors to open? Are you watching for them to close? Or are you still beating your head against that brick wall going, I want this instead of no, my life is going to take a different course and that's okay.

Alexandra Harbushka 

Right, it's okay. And it's going to unfold for what's best for you.

Natalie Tysdal 

Mm-hmm. For sure. Okay. So lifewithherpes.com, right? That's where people can find you and any other information or things that you want to share.

Alexandra Harbushka 

Yes, so I do have a 21 page ebook. If you are diagnosed with herpes, I've been working on it since 2017. Like it page, things change and I've changed. It is about outbreak remedies. So if you do have herpes or you were just diagnosed, what do you do right now today? And there are, like I said, great options there for ways to help with the pain or speed up recovery. Then it's free. So outbreak remedies.com if you wanna download that and then you can find me anywhere. I am basically every social media platform. If Pinterest is your jam, you can pin me. If you are on YouTube, I have thousands of videos on YouTube, whatever social media platform you want. And I am here just to share the information and offer support when you're ready.

Natalie Tysdal 

Fantastic. Alexandra, thanks so much. I appreciate your openness and educating people and that you were meant to do this, even though you didn't want to in your 20s.

Alexandra Harbushka 

Thank you, Natalie. Right, not what I ever wanted to do, but here I am.

Natalie Tysdal 

Yeah. All right. Thanks again. Good to talk to you.

Alexandra Harbushka 

Thank you.