144: Nurturing Relationships

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Natalie Tysdal

Hi, everyone. It's Natalie. February is known as the month of love, right? Filled with chocolates and flowers and heartfelt words. But what about the rest of the year? How do we keep that spark alive? It's been a crazy few weeks. If you follow my social media, maybe you saw my posts about my little accident that turned out to not be so little after all. I slipped on the ice. And if you're watching on YouTube, maybe you see the sling that my arm is now in.

I'm right -handed, so I'm having a lot of trouble doing everything with just one hand, my left hand, but I'm getting used to it and life goes on. But what this really leads me to is nurturing our relationships. I have relied heavily on relationships in the last week. And I want to get started with asking you first to subscribe to the podcast wherever you are listening. It means so much to me that you continue to follow and subscribe so you get alerts when new episodes come out. Okay, so let's dive into sustaining and enhancing. So let's dive into sustaining and enhancing our relationships. I have eight tips for you today. Have you noticed the words on those cute Valentine's Day cookies? Kind of like the old fashioned nostalgic candy hearts. I love you, be mine, sweet pea, be happy, love bug. I loved those when I was little. I think they're kind of gross right now, the candy hearts. But the other day, my husband and I were at the store and we saw some Valentine's Day cookies that looked like those candy hearts. And on the front of these cookies said, I tolerate you. We laughed, we thought it was so funny. It is funny. But over the course of the last week, I keep thinking about that silly cookie that looked like a candy heart. It really made me think about what love really means. And true love involves embracing, not just the good and the beautiful and all of that, but also the quirks, the imperfections, the bumps, the bruises, the broken arms, the mistakes. Building lasting relationships requires understanding and yes, toleration. So that's tip number one. I know it sounds funny. Tip number one, be tolerant. It's so important. And this is interesting. According to a study published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, couples who engage in challenging activities experience more positive feelings about their relationship. And I find that interesting because it's not all romance and flowers. Tip number two, this one's good too, shared experiences. It is the shared experiences, even the shared challenges, the moments that require us to adapt, engage fully and support one another. It's those moments that build relationships. I kind of think of it like the child that accomplishes a really hard task and feels so proud of that really small task that they have confidence. We are kind of like that in our relationships. When we overcome the hardship, our relationship confidence is better and thus we build bonds. We learn how to get over those stumbling blocks, how to work out issues, how to reflect and how to see where our shortcomings are and how those relationships can then thrive. On to tip number three, expressing gratitude. This might sound really simple and self -explanatory, but do we really express gratitude in our relationships on a regular basis? It's so powerful. Expressing gratitude to your partner not only makes them feel validated and valued, but it strengthens your bond. A little thank you can go a long way. Verbally, written, post -it notes, whatever it is, it does go a long way. Number four, can we talk about communication for a minute? Clear, open communication. It really is the backbone of any strong relationship. 

It's important to express those feelings honestly and then listen attentively when your partner shares their own feelings.

For so many people, it's harder than it sounds. I get it. It's easier to move on, move past it. But guess what that leads to? Resentment and buried issues. Maybe don't communicate in the heat of the moment. And if you're in an argument saying, I need to communicate, and then it turns into everything else, the kitchen sink, as I like to call it. But do go back, even use these words in the spirit of communication.

And because I value our relationship, I'd love to talk about something that's been bothering me. Okay, let's have a conversation about the importance of having a sense of humor. Tip number five, having a sense of humor. I think this is a really big one. Life can indeed be tough. And in those challenging times, having someone to share a laugh with can make it a whole lot easier. Shared laughter has the incredible power to lighten the load and bring people closer together. It creates that sense of connection and camaraderie, making even the toughest moments a little bit more bearable. Let me tell you a story. So I fell on the ice. So I'm not very tolerant, shall I say, of ice lately and snow. And we've had quite a few bouts of snow this year here in Colorado. We were coming home last weekend from a volleyball tournament with our teenage son. And it was dumping snow, not just a little bit, but it was coming down. I think we ended up getting 10 inches in like seven or eight hours. I'm not a meteorologist. That was not my specialty, but it was a lot. It was dumping snow and we're pulling into the driveway. And before we pulled in, my husband said, you know what, open the garage door, just stay right here. I'm going to just clear those two paths where you pull the truck in so that we don't crunch over that snow because we have a north facing driveway.

And as soon as you drive over it, it packs that snow down and then it's really hard to get it to go away. It can take weeks. So he said, just sit here. I'll go in. I'll get the, I'll grab the shovel. He's shoveling and I'm kind of using the laughter because I pull out my phone and I'm, I'm videoing him and it is coming down and it's heavy snow. So he clears one path and then he starts clearing the other one and it's so heavy. I can tell he's like very frustrated by it because he doesn't have all the gear on. He's just trying to do a quick clear and it was not a quick clear. So he tells me to pull in and I'm trying to line the tires up with the two paths that he created so that I don't drive over the snow and I can't do it. I can't seem to figure out where those two are. And he's like directing me and he's getting frustrated and I'm kind of laughing. So he's even more frustrated with me. So eventually he's like, just pull in, just nevermind, just drive over it, just pull in.

And so we get, I pull in over the snow. I can't seem to find those two tracks. And I get out of the car and he's like, how could you not? It's like very simple. And I said, I can't see where the tires are when I'm sitting. So this moment escalated a little bit. And then we both just looked at each other and we just laughed. And that laughter and what made it even more funny is we had just seen this cookie and I said, you know what? I tolerate you. And then we both laughed even more. So laughter can be so helpful.

We were frustrated, but that moment of laughter and then admitting that, yes, I'm not the best driver and he got frustrated, but that laughter really helped in the moment. Tip number six, prioritize quality time. In our busy lives, it is so easy to get caught up in routines and forget to carve out time for each other. Make an effort to spend that quality time together. It could be date nights, it could be regular walks even just a quiet few minutes of coffee in the morning. What does it look like in your relationships? I challenge you to think about what that looks like regularly. And by the way, maybe it sounds like I'm focusing on romantic relationships, a kind of M, but this goes for any meaningful relationship, parenting, friends, your parents, you name it. Where is that quality time, that laughter? Where is the uninterrupted time without distractions? Phones, of course.

Even if it's just five minutes, think about that quality time. Next, my seventh tip is forgiveness. It is a universal truth that we make mistakes, all of us. The true measure lies in our ability to forgive, to learn from these experiences and forge ahead together. Why do humans find this so challenging? It's worth noting that forgiveness,

We know it is repeatedly emphasized in the Bible, not just a selfless act, but also one that's important for our own wellbeing and our peace of mind. In fact, Luke 6 37, do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned. And then Matthew 18 21 and 22 further emphasizes the nature of forgiveness. When Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother who sins against him,

And Jesus replied, I tell you not seven times, 77 times. This teaches us that forgiveness is not a one -off act, but a continuous practice. And let me tell you that just like anything, we have to practice these things. We have to practice forgiveness for it to become more of something that we do regularly without a lot of hesitation. Let me encourage you, when you find yourself, holding on to anger or resentment. Remember the power of forgiveness and strengthening relationships and bringing peace to yourself. Next, supporting each other's individual growth. That's number seven. A strong relationship involves two individuals who support and encourage each other's personal development. It's important to give each other space and freedom to pursue your own interests and goals while also being there to cheer the other person on regularly. As just people, we are as individuals, we are constantly growing and changing. That's normal and it's good. So it's so important for us in our relationships to evolve alongside our friends and our partners. And lastly, don't forget to keep the romance alive since we're talking about relationships here and romantic relationships. Maybe that's small gestures of love, like surprise dates, handwritten notes. One year, my kids and I put sticky notes all over my husband's mirror in the bathroom. What a great thing to wake up to. Those little things that reignite the spark in your relationships. Keep the flame of romance burning or even for your kids, like putting sticky notes all over or even how about this one? Taking an Expo marker, just a dry erase marker, you can write on a mirror and then you can wipe it off. All kinds of little notes, those things just brighten someone's day and make such a big difference. Take the time to plan those things or even do them last minute. Special outings can create all kinds of memories and deepen those connections.

So there you have it, my top eight tips for keeping relationships strong all year round. And remember, love isn't just for February. It is for every single day. But for those people who say, I'm not going to buy the hearts, the candy, the chocolate, because it's only, it should be, sorry.

Remember, love isn't just for February, it is for every single day. And I would love to hear from you about the unique ways you are building and sustaining the bonds in your life. Let's create a community that supports and inspires each other. I'm grateful for you every day. I love you and I hope you have a great week. Talk to you soon.